Bleed It Out.

I need to learn to get things off my chest, instead of letting them sit there until I can't breath from beneath. I've done it for as long as I can remember and it's ruined everything more than once. I've known it for years and I still don't do shit about it. Still letting it torment me day after day and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of lying to people just to keep the latest little secret under wraps. I'm tired of telling people everything's just fine, when I really couldn't be hurting more. I don't know why I do this.

I think I want to have this image of being indestructable. Nothing can touch me. Nothing can hurt me. Doesn't matter what happens, I'll be fine. But God Damn, I'd be lying if I said I was anything like this. 

I've noticed myself doing a few things a lot more recently:

I'm not tired. When I'm "sleeping" at school, it's just because there's so much going through my mind, I really can't figure it all out right now.

I'm not staring into space because "I zoned out for a minute." I'm focusing on that one little spot because I wish my mind could do the same.

I'm not fine. There's a war going on in my head just to decide if I should tell you what I'm really thinking. Guess which side always wins.

Why the hell am I so afraid to open up to people? Are they really going to think less of me because I don't know what I'm doing? No. I know this. I still can't get over it. Damn it.

We’re all ok, until the day we’re not
The surface shines, while the inside rots
We raced the sunset and we almost won
We slammed the brakes, but the wheels went on